You Make Me Dry Moment: I Wanna Swallow Your Face

You go out with a nice, cute guy.  He makes you laugh.  He makes you smile.  The talk is flowing.  There's a good vibe going.  Then comes the portion of the night where the inevitable kiss happens.  During the kiss, the record stops playing and you tense up.  WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? Not only was the kiss terrible, he tried to swallow your face!

That's what I get for trying to keep my mind and time occupied. Needless to say, I will avoid all communication.  Complete turn-off.  Disaster. Dry. Guys, we SO don't want you to swallow our faces.  You're doing it all wrong...